Stuff I Learned from Being a Mama #2

For the first in this series, go here.  Also, TMI ahead.

So here's part 2.  Stuff I learned during labor, delivery and postpartum.

Make sure you have a birth plan and make sure your caregiver has seen it before hand.  I didn't really need one since "home birth" sort of implies everything I would have put in a birth plan, but if you are going to a hospital, know what you want and make sure everyone there with you knows, too.  This includes informing the staff if you plan to breastfeed.

"We think the baby is too big" is not a good reason to induce.  Weight estimates taken by ultrasound are notoriously inaccurate.  A friend was told she had a baby too big for her pelvis - over 10 lbs in all probability - so she scheduled an induction.  Wound up with a c-section and a 6lb 6oz baby.  Nature knows best.  My midwife said "I have never seen a baby NOT come out".  Unless there is a medical PROBLEM, there does not need to be an induction.  It is harder on the mom (contractions just take off into the stratosphere instead of gradually build to a peak) and harder on baby, which can lead to more interventions and complications, etc. etc...

Your estimated due date is just that - an ESTIMATE.  Not an expiration date.

Less than 10 minutes before
Lucy's birth - still smiling!

You just don't know what you are going to want, what you are going to do, or how you are going to act during labor.  Be flexible.  That being said, you have the choice to allow it to be a horrible experience by being scared and tense.  Or you can choose to allow it to be peaceful and gentle.  Your mind is a powerful, POWERFUL thing.  Believing that something is going to be pleasant, easy and uncomplicated goes a long way to creating that experience.  I imagined the sensations of labor as pressure and opening, not pain.  I imagined my cervix opening, actually saying "open" and "peace" during pressure waves.  I grabbed onto the mantra "The wave always breaks" and said it over and over through deep breaths.  And it did always break.  It always passed.  It was intense.  It was challenging.  And it was fine!  Another mantra I remember repeating over and over was "You CAN do it, you ARE doing it..."  I did a Hypnobabies class and actually had no pain during labor.  Yes, that it correct.  No pain during labor.  Now it wasn't 100% comfortable, but I had no sensations that I would have called PAIN.  And how did I achieve this improbable feat?  I trained my mind to believe that labor was not going to be painful.  And my mind believed me, so my body believed me. 

The house was so quiet, calm and dark.
Perfect

Ask for what you need.

Eat.  Drink.  You need your strength. 

A waterbirth is AMAZING.  I would have stayed in that tub for the full 50 hours if I didn't need to stretch my legs occasionally.

Sing.  It relaxes the jaw, which in turns helps to open the cervix.  Ina May taught me that.  Also, singing made me feel less like a moaning cow and more like the awesome, powerful birth goddess I was.

Pushing Lucy out

Everything - EVERYTHING - can wait till you have met your baby and held your baby and nursed your baby (if you so choose).  Fight for it if you have to.  It is the sweetest, most amazing moment you will ever have.  Don't let anyone take it away to poke and prod and weigh and measure.  It.Can.Wait.

Sewing up the tears hurt more than pushing the baby out.  I'm just sayin'.

One thing that surprised me was how...disconnected I felt after that first heady moment holding Lucy.  For a LOOONG time after Lucy was born I kept expecting her REAL parents to knock on the door and tell me they were there to pick up the baby that I had been watching for them. Not that I didn't love her and take care of her and feel the instinct to protect her...but it was just so WEIRD to have a baby.  There was this total disconnect between the baby BUMP and the actual BABY.  A friend of mine said after she pushed out her baby (no drugs, so she felt everything) they put it in her arms and she actually said "Whose baby is this?"

 

Your girlie parts will hurt.  Get some rubber gloves and fill them with ice, wrap 'em in a washcloth and stick 'em right up there.  Oh, you might also want to get a supply of cheap washcloths.

 

It might take a week (or more) for you to take a shit.  And it will be more painful than giving birth. And I hear you can't get an epidural for a bowel movement.  Not one person ever told me this beforehand, but EVERYONE I have mentioned it to afterwards has said they had the same experience. All I could think of was "WHY THE HELL DID NO ONE EVER MENTION THIS??".

Maxi pads sprayed with witch hazel and put in the freezer feel SO GOOD on tender areas that have recently squeezed out a something the size of a large butternut squash.

40 week "belly"

Postpartum bleeding is nature's way of getting back at you for not having a period for nine months.  It lasts a long time and sucks.

Pregnancy hormones are nothing compared to the postpartum hormone crash.  I forgot things and cried a lot, was utterly elated and completely defeated, transported and feeling stuck - all within an hour of each other.  It passes, so just take a deep breath.  Talk to someone if you are feeling more than just a little blue.

It took a while to get over the "My God WHAT HAVE I DONE" feeling that settled over me when my midwives and parents all left.  I don't think this happens to everyone, but it don't be surprised if it does.  The enormity of my new job just swallowed me whole.  It still does sometimes, but now it is more joyful and anticipatory as opposed to a feeling of being lost at sea.

My deflated baby belly was not nearly as depressing as everyone said it would be.  Every time I looked in the mirror I just made a point of saying "You look pretty darn good, considering" and it really helped.  However, that doesn't work anymore almost a year later:-).

Breastfeeding will seriously melt away the pregnancy pounds. Melted away like butter. Awesome.

First attempt at breastfeeding...
neither of us took to it right away

Breastfeeding might be hard. Don't give up!! Ask for help! See a lactation consultant! Go to LLL meetings! Talk to a friend! There are so many resources out there for breastfeeding mamas - USE THEM! It is so worth it. http://www.kellymom.com/ is a wonderful resource for all things breastfeeding. Lucy and I had just about every newborn breastfeeding issue imaginable (thrush, cracked nipples, mastitis, tight bite reflex, oversupply, etc). Every single day I would say "I will just do it for one more day. If it still hurts tomorrow, I'll quit." I am so glad I stuck it out. It is such a joy. Of course now my daughter is a boobaholic who will be impossible to wean, but that's another story.

It took me MONTHS to realize that most of the shocking pain I had for when Lucy latched on the first several weeks was not, in fact, an incorrect latch (well, mostly, we had some latch issues at first). It was the milk letting down. OUCH OUCH OUCH! I would feel it when she latched (new mama boobs are really sensitive to a baby suckling, as they should be), but also randomly throughout the day as my supply tried to regulate. I only realized this in retrospect when the sensation mellowed out to the gentle pins and needles feeling it is now. Milk letting down can really freaking hurt at first.

Lansinoh is okay, but chilled gel nursing pads feel really really nice.

Don't get a Belly Bandit.  Worthless piece of uncomfortable (expensive) crap.  A belly wrap is not a bad idea in theory, but this one was so uncomfortable.  Plus if recently giving birth isn't an excuse to let it all hang out, I don't know what is.

Don't get an ItzBeen.  All it will do is make you obsess over how little sleep you've gotten and how demanding your baby is.  I remember looking at that thing and crying "But it's only been 45 minutes since she went to sleep!"  It made a challenging situation into what felt like a crisis.  If you must use something like this, don't use it for timing sleep.  Seriously, trust me on this one.  Newborns are not ones for keeping to a schedule, especially when it comes to sleep.  Now, if you happen to have a miracle baby who is a great sleeper from day one, knock yourself out.  It might be helpful when baby is older and you are trying to get them on a schedule.

I don't like parenting books.  They have done very little besides make me feel like a bad mom who does everything wrong.  That being said, The Happiest Baby on the Block would have been a lifesaver if we had discovered it when Lucy was a newborn. GREAT ideas and tips for calming a new baby (0-3 or 4 months).

Get a swaddler. The Miracle Blanket literally calmed Lucy down the minute she saw it.  Well, most of the time.

Everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps".  This is good advice, in theory.  In practice it doesn't hold up as well.  not that you should take every opportunity available to sleep - God knows you'll need it - but when the baby is sleeping, you get to be JUST YOU for however long the little angel is sleeping.  And this becomes increasingly important as the gravity and enormity of your newly-acquired job starts to sink in.  So my advice is do something - anything - that makes you feel normal.  Wash the dishes.  Sit on the porch alone.  Go get a pedicure.  Have a friend meet you for coffee without the baby.  Anything that makes you feel like a normal person will do.  I remember putting clean sheets on the bed (while crying, incidentally)just to do something mundane and normal.

Get someone to come help you for a few hours every day for the first 2 weeks or so.  This would be a good time to take a nap.  I thought we would want to be alone, just me, Kevin and Lucy, for a while.  I was wrong.  I wanted to be with my new family, but I also wanted someone to make me dinner and get me ice and fill my water bottle and take the baby away for a while so I could sleep.  Kevin was too tired to do all this himself, so I was only too glad to have my mom and dad there to help.  Believe me, you will have plenty of time with the baby and your spouse.

It goes so fast.  I know it is hard to enjoy something when you have not slept, but enjoy your tiny little miracle.  They get so big so fast!

It is okay to cry for no reason.  I spent a number of days wandering around the house crying.  It was cathartic.  A little pathestic, yes, but cathartic.

Don't try too hard to enforce a schedule.  It will make you crazy.  You can try to follow a loose routine - wake, eat, activity (like staring at a mirror and changing a diaper - newborns are PARTY ANIMALS!) and sleep, but don't expect things to be the same every day for a while.  Go with that proverbial flow.

Sleeping when the baby sleeps...for once...

That being said, I had every intention of being a feed-on-demand mama.  Of course, having never done this before, I totally misread hunger cues.  Just because baby is crying, doesn't mean they are hungry.  I am going to venture out on a limb here and say Lucy was not hungry every 45 minutes.  But I fed her nearly every time she cried.  Oh, my aching (cracked, bleeding) nipples.  If I had been a little more savvy about hunger cues (rooting, turning face towards me, opening mouth when you tickle their cheek), I may have saved myself some pain and frustration.  So while it is important, especially when breastfeeding, to feed a baby frequently, every 2 hours is probably a perfectly reasonable place to start.  If they are fussy before then, it is probably not hunger.

A good thing to remember as your baby get a little older (from about 3 to 6 months) is that infants only have 90 minutes to 2 hours of happy-awake time.  They need their sleep!  That might mean 3 or 4 four naps in a day, depending on when they wake up in the morning.  90 minutes of awake time, down for a nap.  Don't push it - if he yawns or rubs his eyes, get him down for a nap - by hook or by crook, in my opinion!  I would accidentally let Lucy get really overtired and it started a vicious cycle of overtired baby not being able to sleep because she was so overtired.  It is a really hard pattern to break.  They say "sleep begets sleep" which is totally counterintuitive, but I have found it to be true.  If Lucy takes good naps, she will sleep better at night.  If her naps are crap, I know I am in for a long night.

Ask for help. Accept help. Seriously. You do not have to do it all.

The first six weeks are hard.  They just are.  They are magical, exciting, awe-inspiring and beautiful.  But they are really hard.  It will get better.

And then all of a sudden you'll wonder where a whole year went.  I hear that someday I'll turn around and wonder when she could have possibly graduated college, since she was just a baby yesterday...

We Add Up - World Breastfeeding Week

Facebook has all kinds of ads that plaster themselves on the sidebars of my profile page.  They usually relate to something I am interested in - yoga, camping, mom stuff.  Occasionally I get the odd "get your degree in accounting FAST" or "Congress on Facebook", but usually they are tailored remarkably well to my tastes and interests.

So of course I completely ignore them.  For the most part.  I have been known to glance at them, but only on two occasions have I ever actually clicked an ad.  One of those times was about 10 minutes ago.

I am a t-shirt junkie.  I teach YogaKids and so am always looking for appropriate, comfortable clothing in which to teach.  It is hard to find any exercise-type clothes that allow the range of movement I need while not giving the kids an anatomy lesson.  My go-to outfit is now a pair of loose-fitting yoga capris and a t-shirt layered over a long tank top.  This ensures that my copious bosom will not peek out of the top of the t-shirt I wear, and that my racing stripes (read:stretch marks) won't pop out of the bottom.  Thus the search for the perfect t-shirt.

Anyway, tonight I saw a red t-shirt reading BREASTFEED above the words "Next week is World Breastfeeding Week - be counted!".  First off, I had NO IDEA there even WAS a World Breastfeeding Week .  Go breastfeeding!  I will be proudly popping the boob in Lucy's mouth all week in celebration.


So looking at this ad, I thought "Hey, I'm a breastfeeding mama!  I'll blindly succomb to this tailored advertising!"  So I clicked.


It was an ad for the We Add Up campaign to fight climate change.  

Secondly, I had never heard of the We Add Up campaign. You choose a cause that is meaningful to you (Buy Local, Recycle, Compost, Plant Trees, Organic, etc). The shirt has a simple representative logo on the back along with the words to describe it, like BREASTFEED. Below that are the words "No one can do everything. Everyone can do something". I LOVE that sentiment, by the way. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the do's and don'ts of saving the world, but everyone can do something, however small. The front of the shirt has the words "We Add Up" and a number on it. Your number is unique (so they say, I'll never REALLY know I guess)

Here is what the site says about it:

We Add Up counts you in for your commitment to help solve the climate crisis. Each tee is custom hand printed with a unique number. YOUR number is your position in our global count of people adding up to make change.

Tees are 100% certified organic cotton and sweatshop-free.

Money from the sale is donated to that specific cause.  You can choose to have carbon neutral shipping They'll use sustainable gift wrap (a cotton, logo-printed bag) if it is going to someone else.  Pretty cool.

ANYWAY, I never thought of the environmental impact of breastfeeding.  I totally support breastfeeding as the best for babies.  I totally support breastfeeding as best for mamas.  I totally support breastfeeding as way the f*ck cheaper than formula feeding.  It never once crossed my mind that breastfeeding was also the most environmentally sound way to nourish your baby.  Again, from the site:

If you're trying to decide between the breast or the bottle, also consider the environment. Lots of waste is created from the production of bottles and cans for formula, during the production of the formula itself, plus the carbon cost of transportation to get the formula from the factory to you. Whether this is a new commitment for you or something you've been passionate about for a while, by wearing this tee you are committing to help build our sustainable future.

How is it possible I never thought of this? Am I really that thick? I use cloth diapers for Lucy. I am a vegetarian for environmental reasons. We recycle every possible thing. We don't even use paper towels in our house for crying out loud! If ever there was a time that the word "Duh" was appropriate, this would be it.

So next week is WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK! Breastfeeding mamas unite! And We Add Up is really cool. Plus they have a t-shirt for stopping climate change by showering together. Another thing I never thought of...for saving the world, I mean.

Boiled Milk

I am a yoga teacher.  I teach kids yoga to children ages 3-10.  Before I was a yoga teacher, I was just a yogini, utterly addicted to Bikram Yoga .  I once took class 60 days in a row - lost 20 pounds, dropped the depression that stemmed from the crumbling of the 5-year-relationship with my college boyfriend,  got a new job, a new car, a new life.  Yoga really, truly and in all other ways changed my life.  Bikram Yoga is a series of 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises practiced in a hot room.  A very hot room.  A very hot and sweaty room.  I practiced Bikram Yoga for 6 years, more or less regularly depending on my travel schedule, before getting pregnant. 

When I go pregnant, my husband said "Please don't practice hot yoga...", my doctor said "Please don't practice hot yoga...", when I switched to a midwife, she said "Hmmmm...let me ask the perinatologist we consult with." but I could see behind her eyes "Please don't practice hot yoga...".  I think she would have been okay, having practiced for so long and being used to the heat, but who wants to take that chance?  Besides, the fact that I don't have a thyroid makes my body more susceptible to overheating and dehydration.  So I stopped practicing so as not to cook my unborn baby in the womb. 

I stopped practicing for 15 months.  That is a long LOOOOOOOONG time to be out of the hot room.  I used to worry about going back to class after having not been for a week.  Imagine my dread at returning to class after over a year.  But my friends, Lara and Yasmin - both Bikram teachers, bought me a 10 class pass at my home studio for Christmas.  So now I had to go back.

I went once in January.  Then roughly 3 feet of snow fell and my husband went travelling for work what seemed like every week.  So I didn't make it back again till last week.  It was a surprisingly strong class!  I didn't die, which was really the goal of the whole exercise, honestly, and actually did all the postures, except for one side of Balancing Stick  and one side of Triangle.  I felt GREAT!

I went back again last night.  It was not so great.  It must have been 10,000 degrees in that room, and 175% humidity.  I realize this is impossible, but it was impossibly hot.  I think I actually died three times.  I am not sure what kept me from running out of the room screaming, sweat flying, hair sticking up, crying for my life.  But I stuck it out.  I did almost everything.  Okay, that might be stretching the truth a bit, but I didn't sit out the whole class.  What I did notice was my milk letting down like CRAZY all throughout class.  Heat, apparently, opens the milk ducts and allows it to flow.  I knew this, having often take a hot shower to relieve clogged ducts, but I didn't really put 2 and 2 together as far as the heat in class was concerned.  I could have nursed every orphan in Haiti by the time class was over, and still had enough for a milk shake.

It didn't really bother me too much until we came to Rabbit Pose.  I LOVE Rabbit Pose.  It feels SO good on my back.  I used to try to do it while pregnant, but frankly, the position doesn't leave much room for a baby-laden belly.  I would literally dream about the day I could really do a full forward bend to finally release the tension in my back brought on by lugging a bowling ball around in my belly for so long.  A forward bend...like Rabbit Pose.

I am not sure why I didn't notice it the first two classes back.  Maybe I had nursed Lucy more recently before class.  Maybe I didn't go as deeply into the pose.  Who knows.  All I know is that when I got into Rabbit Pose, my shockingly-full, already-enormous, covered-with-sweat, breasts slapped themselves neatly right over my nose and my mouth.  I couldn't have breathed if I wanted to, and certainly not through my nose, as the teacher dictates.  So much for a great forward bend.  The way to pose compresses everything on the front side of your body makes it impossible to even hold your breath for length of the pose.  I was defeated in my favorite pose...by my own boobs.

When I got home after class, I pumped before bed like I always do. I usually get about 5-6oz of body-temperature milk.  Last night I got a solid 12oz.  And I swear it was boiling.

Baby Fingers

Lucy has been waking up less frequently at night.  She went from waking 4-5 times between 7pm and 7am, to waking just once around 2 am.  Sometimes twice, depending on whether or not she decides to poop out three days worth of food around 5 am.  This is a WONDERFUL development...but...

...I must say, one of these days I will miss snuggling with her in the quiet darkness of extremely early morning. 

Last night, she work up at 2:15am, after sleeping for a solid 7 hours (!!).  I stumbled half-asleep into her room (my sweet, slumbering husband barely stirring) and gathered her in my arms.  We sat in the rocker and nursed.  I took one little hand in mine, playing with her fingers, and her other hand was gently tickling my waist.  Her fingers were so chilly I almost jumped when she touched my skin.  She always goes for skin-to-skin contact during her night-time feedings.  She'll reach up and put her hand on my face, or on my breast as we nurse, or wrap her sweet little fingers around my thumb.  Sometimes her other hand will touch my waist or burrow deep up under my arm (I am shockingly ticklish - this is a hard one to deal with) - anywhere she can feel the warmth of Mama close by.  It is a powerful joy I cannot even come close to describing, mostly because of it's complete and utter lack of "specialness".

So nothing special happened last night, except that I was nursing my long-desired, often dreamt-of, precious baby girl in the wee hours of the morning. 

Perfect.