February 1, 2011
Five weeks and counting. I have a ticker for my pregnancy-obsessing buddy group on Taking Charge of Your Fertility . Those pregnancy tickers they have on sites like Baby-Gaga and Pregnology and 500 other baby/pregnancy themed websites make me obsess about every day of the pregnancy. Every day I look at my ticker and I see "I am 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Only 242 days to go". Then I see the little blob that is looking more and more like a teeny little human being - right now s/he has flippers. FLIPPERS! At FIVE WEEKS!
I like this one from Baby-Gaga. I like that it injects humor into the process. Right now, it says "Even though I'm only 3.5mm big, my brain is growing fast & I already have more brain cells than Paris Hilton. I'm 5 weeks & 3 days old, only 242 days to go! By the time this posts some time in March, it will be saying something about wondering if I have a hotdog or a hamburger. Referring humorously to the fact that on an ultrasound girlie parts look like little hamburgers and boy parts look like hot dogs. You can, of course get the straight developmental facts in the tickers. But you can get the week-by-week development anywhere! Give me the funny!
Because nothing feels funny right now. I want to cry most of the time. Lucy doing something cute makes me cry. Lucy doing something frustrating makes me cry. Stories on WTOP News makes me cry. Baby Signing Time makes me cry. Car commercials make me cry. Burned eggs make me cry. I can't turn around without something making me cry.
Also, I am crabby. I want to bite everyone's head off. Everything that comes out of my mouth is mean and snarky and acidic. And I can't even use the "I'm pregnant, back off" comment. We haven't told anyone yet, not even our parents. I want to wait till I hear that heartbeat. Which won't happen till 10 weeks or so.
Now, let me preface this next section by saying I love and adore my mother. She is wonderful and helpful and proactive and her energy is enviable. But she drives me nuts sometimes. We haven't told them we are pregnant yet because of wanting to heat the heartbeat first, AND we have a fun surprise. Which I believe is ruined now. My mom and dad were here this weekend while I was away for work (I had a trip Sat-Sun, Kevin had a show last night while I was gone and then left today for his trip before I got home, so we needed coverage for Lucy). My mom is a maniacal launderer. She won't stop. She digs through everything looking for dirty laundry to do while she is here. That is lovely of her, yes, and it is nice not to have to do laundry. But Kevin doesn't want her to do his laundry (something about his mother-in-law folding his boxers...) and I feel bad having her do my laundry while she is here doing us a huge favor. Plus I end up having to pick up and refold everything because my mom has some sort of thing against laundry baskets - everything is always stacked about 30 feet high on top of the bed, so it falls over in heaps before I get a chance to put it away. (God I sound ungrateful). So I have told her as nicely as possible to not do the laundry...which she does anyway. So today I get home and, shockingly, all the laundry is done and stacked on the bed (Kevin's boxers folded neatly). All of Lucy's laundry is done. I don't really think anything of it other than to say "Please, Mom, you don't have to do our laundry!". I go into my office after she has left and notice she has rearranged some things...probably searching for ONE MORE TOWEL to wash (though why it would be in my office, I do not know). On my desk are all my positive home pregnancy tests. I say "tests" not "test" because I have been obsessively peeing on things since 9 days past ovulation. I can't stop peeing on things - just to make sure I am still pregnant. Anyway, this sad pile of pee-soaked sticks - the proof of my obsession - has been moved...every so slightly. And on top of Lucy's pile of laundry is the "I'm Going to be a Big Sister" shirt that I was going to wash and stow away until we were ready for the big reveal. Folded neatly. See the plan was to take a picture of Lucy wearing the shirt and send it to our family. Or we were going to dress her in it, bring her over to their house and just wait to see how long it took for them to notice. She didn't say anything when I got home, but I think she would have to be an idiot not to have put two and two together. I am hoping she put on her Oblivious Hat and didn't even notice.
If I weren't pregnant, I would be able to shrug this off, but I AM SO IRRITATED. Or I was 20 minutes ago. My mood changes with the wind.